


Who I am?

by iraincensus



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Mutilation, Slave Trade, Vaginal Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:00:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27272329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iraincensus/pseuds/iraincensus
Summary: She's a clone. She has no past, no memories, no life. At least not her own. So what is she supposed to do? She tries to live. To do so, she slips into different roles.She is a fugitive, a whore, an assassin. She is all of these and still asks herself: Who am I?
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Kudos: 9





	Who I am?

I am Commander Sachmet Shepard. No... no, that's wrong. I should be Commander Shepard. Should have been? I do not know. It doesn't really matter. Shepard's dead. Sacrificed herself to stop the Reapers. She succeeded. We won. Our prize... bright blue eyes. No one knows how she did it. Not even me, although I know everything else about her. At least not yet. More and more memories emerge from the shadows of my dreams. I was the emergency plan of Cerberus. Or rather the emergency plan of the emergency plan? She killed a clone. Not me. I wasn't finished. I am not finished. My tank was on a secret base. I kept getting fed data. I know how she defeated the collectors, cured the genophage, made peace between the Quarians and Geth... How she created the greatest army in the galaxy. I know all that and so much more. I know that I love Garrus Vakarian. I love him so much, it hurts just thinking about him. I feel his warm breath on my neck. Feel his strong arms around my body. Taste him on my lips... and yet I know that none of this is real. It drives me insane. Everything inside me is crying out to go back to my friends. I miss them. I want to go back to them. But I can't, they are not my friends, not my love. They were hers.

So I went to Omega. Here, I would not meet any of them. I could build my own life. I could not. People keep staring at me. You look like a young Shepard. Yeah, damn. I look like Shepard at 16. I'm not finished. But that's not my only problem. These memories, which are not mine, are bothering me. I've taken different jobs, all of which have bored me. I downloaded books from the extranet and then realized that I already knew them. There is only a moment when I can forget everything. When I hold a gun in my hand. Another thing that is not based on my own experience. No matter what I do, I can't get rid of Shepard. So I went to extremes. One time I am Shepard and the other time, I am not Shepard at all.

I am a prostitute. Anyone who wants can buy my body. I dance in small clubs and if someone wants more, it is a matter of price. And, how shall I say, it's going damn well. I look like the heroine of the galaxy. Who wouldn't want someone like that in bed? The Asari always treat me well. They're gentle, courteous. Often I don't have to do anything at all. Just lie there and let me be pampered. Turians are... difficult. They want to be ordered around by me. Do this, do that. And when they have played enough, good Turian, they press me against the next wall. It's okay. I close my eyes every time and wish I was far away. I don't want to think about him. Krogans are the strangest. They treat me like a queen. They buy me expensive things, grant me wishes, but when it comes to the point, I can't sit for a few hours. But Cerberus has made provisions. I have the healing powers of a Vorcha. Drell and humans are more individual. Assholes and saints. I don't care. I do this to live and because she would not have done it. At my other job, it looks a little different. I'm an assassin. I kill for money and I'm good at it. It doesn't make me rich. I don't take these jobs. I take care of the scum that has not been brought to justice. Murderers, rapists, drug dealers. The odd gang or two. Archangel has left. Nemesis has come. I didn't choose the name. It was given to me and I like it. Omega is the right place for it. A good place, a bad place. Fitting for a shadow, for me. I just have to avoid people who have had direct contact with it. The purgatory and a clinic on this astroid are absolutely taboo for me. But the station is big enough. I can manage. I expect nothing more from my existence. It is enough for me. It must be enough. That's all I will get in this galaxy. That's all I have earned, because I have achieved absolutely nothing.

\----------

Today is not a good day. I got the fright of my life when alliance soldiers showed up at the station. Two of them know... knew... Shepard knew them. Kaidan Alenko and James Vega. They went straight to Purgatory. They probably went to see Aria. I ran down to the docks just to get a look at my... at her ship. She was lying there. The Normandy. In all her beauty. A feeling of home was spreading inside of me. It's where I belong. I want to breathe this air. Put my hands around the railing when I stare at the galaxy map. Hear my footsteps as I walk through the hallways ... I want to hear all that was never mine. I ran away. To the slums, to my apartment. I grabbed my gear and went hunting. One less rapist. It was satisfying. Not as satisfying as usual, but a start. I will stay away from the docks for a while. I suppose the Alliance needs Ezero. They'll come here more often, but not to the slums.

I'm leaving the hotel room. Another Asari. It was fine. She wanted me to stay longer, but I don't have time. My list is getting too long. They say everyone should live in peace now. But it doesn't quite work out that way. I have enough to do. Enough to keep my mind occupied. Taking out my goals is not complicated. Shepard was an excellent sharpshooter. Like the original, like the copy. My last target was a crook. Hit man, like me. Unfortunately for gangs. He kills security guards. Not the bad guys, but the good guys. The ones who take care of people. So I take revenge for his retaliation. I take a deep breath and I pull the trigger. A total of four times. Krogans are not easy to kill. A simple head shot is not enough every now and then. Also something I know about her. I just leave the body lying there. Let others plunder it. I don't care. On the way back to my apartment, I always take the side streets. I feel safe here. It also keeps me away from the docks. Longing is dangerous. I have freed myself from hope, but longing remains and it just sucks.

Why do I watch the news over and over again. The construction progresses slowly. But well, much has been destroyed. Many lives extinguished. I have the urge to help, but I know that I cannot. And again and again my face. Statues are erected, places are named after her. Songs and poems written for her. I think it's nonsense. To waste resources on something like this. Are these my thoughts or hers? Same question, every time. I have to smile as I continue to report. Liara is on the Citadel, helping with the reconstruction. Tali now lives on Rannoch and works with the Geth. Tuchanka is slowly changing. As soon as the Turians are involved, I switch off. Lovesickness sucks. I cancel my next client. He's Turian. I can't do that now. Not today.

I have a problem. I am becoming too popular. Not as Nemesis. This job is going well. I've got the crime rate under control. But I'm becoming too popular as a prostitute. People from the Citadel come to see me dance and each of them wants more. I have to take care that no pictures are taken of me. I can't have that. I could adjust my prices. Better clubs, richer customers... But that is also a problem. They expect better accommodations and that means more surveillance. I take almost all my credits and buy a new identity. Erinnye Poacher. A young woman from Earth who died in the Reaper attack. Without family, without friends, all lost. Suits me. I have all the certificates I need. If I have to disappear, things should be easier now. Maybe I should change my appearance. Then I will lose my source of income. Not a good idea.

The hot shower does good. The drell really made me sweat. He was hungry, really hungry and incredibly persistent. He was also generous and had no high expectations. It was almost even fun. He had wanted to fight and I was very happy to comply with this wish. It was a good feeling to get so much power. It had felt right. Really good. And there was something else good about it. He paid damn good. I need those credits. One of my targets got away from me. One that shouldn't have gotten away from me. Slave traders. Little children... there are plenty of orphans. Enough sacrifices. Son of a bitch runs a pedophile slave ring. I have to stop him. He escaped from Omega. I can't let him get away. But I can't go to Citadel. I must prepare myself.

I feel sick. I'm wearing a Quarian survival suit. These things have really grown in popularity. There are many who have been disfigured by attacks. And there simply weren't enough resources to treat them all. Not to mention that many couldn't afford it. I took my equipment apart and put it in my luggage. Now I am on my way to the Citadel. I am sweating and trembling. I do not know if my camouflage is good enough. The documents are good. They will not insist that I take off my mask. Now they just must not discover my weapons.

I am standing in front of a C security officer. Turian, from Palavan... blue suit. I hardly dare look at him. It's not Garrus. Still, my heart is pounding.

"Erinnye Poacher?"

"Yes, sir."

"Sixteen Earth years old?"

"Yes, sir."

"Parents?"

"Dead."

"I am sorry. Other relatives?"

"I'm all alone."

"I see. You seek sanctuary."

"Yes, sir."

"We have homes for orphans who need..."

"I have enough credits. I can manage on my own for some time. I don't want to take away a place from someone who needs it."

"Fine. I'll call a social worker. She'll show you around."

"Thanks."

"Helena Blake will be..."

"NO! Please... please, no one. Please."

"Take it easy, little girl. What's wrong?"

I know her, and she knows me, but I'm dead, so she can't see me. That's a great explanation. Blake might recognize me. My voice... maybe I'm being overly cautious, but this just can't happen. I need an excuse.

"I was on Earth... The Dragon's Teeth... my friends... neighbors... everybody... The Husk... everywhere..."

"Oh... she'll send one of her associates. A Turian."

"Thank you."

"Sit there. They'll come and get you."

I just nod and take a seat on one of the seats. My big bag attracts a lot of attention. A refugee with so much luggage is unusual. Restlessly I bob up and down with one leg. I must not appear too calm now. I am frightened. I have to think about that. Heavy steps come towards me and I slowly look up. A young Turian woman looks at me friendly.

"Hello, I'm Solana."

"Erinnye."

"Pleased to meet you. I'm going to take you to your quarters. It's nothing special, but at least you won't have to sleep in the container."

"Sounds good."

I followed her to one of the precincts. Not pretty, or clean, but if you're used to Omega, this was a distinct improvement. The building is big. There are fifty apartments in it. All inhabited by refugees. Many are not yet adults. Sol, that is what I should call her, looks after ten of them. On each floor there is a large common room. My apartment has a bedroom, a bathroom and a small kitchen. That is enough. Tomorrow Sol will help me with all the bureaucracy. I am supposed to get some rest first. So I unpack my stuff and leave the district. My way leads me to the presidium lower house. This area is already completely rebuilt. I have been here many times. Shepard has been here often. I sit down at the Apollo and order an iced coffee. Here she sat with Kaidan. Concentrate. I have a target and I need to find it fast. I suck the drink through a straw and let my eyes wander. His business is going well. He must have wealthy customers. In which circles do his customers circulate? Child slaves would attract attention here. I have to go to one of the fun districts. Not too upscale. But exclusive. So I need a network. The tunnel rats could be helpful. That should be my first step. So I buy some food and return to my new apartment. As soon as I have built up my network, I will rent another apartment under a different name. Storing my equipment here is too dangerous.

Solana and I have been sitting here for hours doing the paperwork. She really has a lot of patience and is trained in these things. Erinnye Poacher is now officially registered at the Citadel. I am allowed to stay for one year and I would even get financial support if it was necessary. But I have declined that. I have enough money. Again I suck on the straw to get my coffee.

"You can accept the help."

"I don't need them. I have credits and I can manage for a while."

"When you get settled, I'll try to find you a job."

"Thanks."

"What are your injuries?"

"Very direct."

"Sorry. I work mostly with Turians."

"Okay... I... a beam hit our shuttle. My parents threw me out. I felt the heat on my skin. My clothes melted... the mobility of my legs is severely restricted and my face is not a pretty sight.2

"I'm very sorry about that."

"I am alive. And maybe someday it can be fixed."

"Well, not a job where you have to lift things."

"Would be good. I could work in offices."

"Settle down first. It'll take a month to get through all this."

"Thanks, Sol."

"That's what I'm here for, Eri."

The whole thing is now two months ago. The channel rats are very helpful. I send them out and they come back with information. Some are good, some are bad, but I pay them anyway. Which has presented me with a bigger problem. My resources are dwindling faster than I thought, then the second apartment ... Some of my clients live on the Citadel. A short message and already a meeting in a hotel room. It is always a big effort to scan the room for bugs. After a quick shower I leave the hotel with a full suit. Sol asked me to check on some children. I visit some of the accommodations to see if they are okay. Sol had not found a job for me and is now trying everything to keep me busy. Something is not right. The door is wide open. Silently I enter the building. Blood and faeces. I know the smell. My hand moves to my hip. No gun. Damn it. The kids. They're screaming. I run. Five hostiles. The first, a Salarian, is coming at me. A straight stab with the universal blade to the stomach. Out of action. Quick turn to the left. I pull my blade across the upper body of the next man. Not deadly, but painful. He is out of action. Two strong hands wrap around my neck and press hard. With arched hands I strike him on both ears. Drumshells torn, balance disturbed. Hard blow under the root of his nose. Bone drills into the brain. Opponent eliminated. Turn to the right. Kick against the knee. It cracks. Followed by a hard blow to the throat. Asphyxiation. I throw myself back and roll over my shoulder. I get back on my feet and fix my last opponent. Turian. Badly. Stronger, better range. I know how to fight against such opponents. But Shepard was a full-grown woman, not me. Anyway, I gotta try. Kick at the waist. He staggers. He grabs my leg and it feels like it's in a vice. Jump and kick against the jaw. Overcoming the distance. I press my thumbs hard into his eyes. My blade goes into his neck. Voices. C-Security and Solana. She takes me in her arms. Should I tremble? Probably. The children are safe. They are beautiful children. They sell well. I don't know how Sol did it, but I'm not being interrogated. She takes me back to my apartment. I am supposed to wait here. My suit is covered with blood. I go to take a shower and sit on my bed afterwards. I have no more time. He seeks new victims. There's a knock at the door.

"Eri, it's me, Sol."

"Hold on..."

"I'll leave a new suit on your doorstep and then wait in the common room."

Solana really is an angel. I quickly put on the new suit and go outside. And my heartbeat stops. There is Garrus. My hands start to tremble and I can't breathe. I quickly sit down and stare at the table. A cup is placed in front of me. Solana grabs my hand and squeezes it.

"Eri, this is my brother, Garrus Vakarian. He's here to investigate this case."

I just nod.

"I know that must have been very exciting."

"I lived on Omega... it wasn't the first time I saw it."

My voice is just a husky whisper.

"You took out four of the five assailants cleanly."

"self-defense..."

"How did you know the children needed help?"

"It smelled like death and the body of the caretaker was a good clue."

"Why didn't you call for help?"

"Like I said, I was living on Omega. There was no help to call for."

"That's right. Did you notice anything about the attackers?"

"No. But..."

"What is it?"

"The same thing happened on Omega. Children disappeared."

"That means whoever was responsible is here now."

"That's enough, Garrus. Eri needs a break."

I literally jump up and run to my room. There I throw myself on my bed and start crying. I don't want that. I don't want to cry like a baby. I'm an adult. No, I'm not. I'm a teenager, but I should be a grown-up and not act like one. I don't have time for all this. I have to hurry. What do you want me to do? Increase the safety of the children. So I need more scouts. If I can't catch him directly, his allies will. It might scare him off. Another escape, or is he getting careless? Collateral damage too probable. I need more money. I take a deep breath and try to concentrate. I am the hunter and he is the prey. I'm gonna get him. There is no doubt about that.

I am tired. Solana has found me a small apartment. There are several apartments here, with a large central room for meetings. We work together here and organize aid supplies for younger orphans. We take care of their daily life. Working in an office... me and my big mouth. The social workers are regularly present and also officials from C-Sicherheit. At least now I have access to more information. At night I go to my other job and follow tracks. Or take out his collectors. Fortunately, the officials do not see a connection yet. But time is running between my fingers. I close my terminal and make my way to Sol. It's my turn to bring her the latest data. As usual, I just enter her apartment and freeze in the middle of my step. That's Garrus' voice.

"I know, Sol. I know, Sol."

"Garrus, you are not well. I can see that."

"No. I'm not okay."

"You should rest."

"I can't. I don't want to."

"You must mourn."

"I have mourned."

"But you can't get closure."

"No... I... I couldn't say goodbye. Not really."

"Garrus..."

"There was no funeral, Sol. Just these tributes... and she never wanted that."

"Just talk to her. Go up to the Normandy and go to her cabin and talk to her."

I'm here, Garrus. I'm right here. You just-- no. Copy... cheap copy. She's not here. Tears are shooting into my eyes. I'm shaking my head and refocusing.

"...Farewell on VI didn't work."

"Did you hear that there is a prostitute who looks a lot like her?"

"She is no longer on Omega..."

"You're really desperate."

"I just want to look her in the eyes again and say all the things I never said."

"I understand you."

I am completely overwhelmed. Too much information. I am just infinitely sad. And yet my brain is working at full speed. I am too well known and have to leave here. But I cannot. I want to go in there and comfort him. No... I have a mission. So I tighten up and go into the room. Silently I put the pad on the table and turn to leave.

"Eri."

I flinch, as if under a stroke. "Yes?"

"Be careful, okay?"

"They only kidnap beautiful children. I don't fit the profile."

I leave the apartment as fast as I can.

It's late and I'm sitting in a cafe again. One of the worst neighborhoods. Only five percent rebuilt, but inhabited. All those who fall through the cracks end up here. My rats meet me here. As steps approach me, I reach for my pistol. A unique piece. I built it myself. Old fashioned, with air pressure and steel balls. The bullets are not considered a threat and I can make the gun in pieces into a chain. Oh, the galaxy hates me.

"Hello, Eri."

"Garrus."

"What are you doing here?"

"Watching."

"Watching?"

"The children in the system are safe."

"But these are not."

"No."

"What was it like on Omega?"

"Orphans keep disappearing. First only individuals, then whole groups. Pretty children. Meeting a standard. Asari, Batarian, human, Turian."

"Why these?"

"Because there are enough of them and..."

"And?"

"These breeds are fuckable for most species."

"Sex slaves..."

"Yes. Cheap to procure, expensive to sell."

"Damn. What do you know?"

"I don't know. Children have disappeared, and now and then corpses showed up. Not enough bodies. When I got the chance, I left. Then I realized I was in no danger."

"why not?"

"They wanted to kill me, not catch me. I'm too old."

"I'm talking to some friends. There's a Spectre who needs to see this."

"Alenko. Good choice. I have to go now. I have to be back in the office in two hours."

"Shall I walk you home?"

"I'd like you to have my back, Garrus. But not this time."

Damn it! What did I say? Before he can say anything else, I'm going to disappear into the crowd. I have to stay away from him. For both our sakes.

How beautiful his head explodes. He was arrested by C-Security. But that's not enough. He would have made a deal. But I've already taken out his customers. I have to grin. That was it for him. My rats found his dungeons and make sure the right people get the information. It took me almost half a year to get this bastard. Now it's over and I can get out of here. My plan started weeks ago. Supposedly a distant aunt of Erinnye Poacher lives on Illium. I'm leaving tomorrow. The quickest way I can make my way to my own apartment. I stow my equipment in some inconspicuous boxes. Safe from all scanners. Thanks for the trick, Kasumi. Afterwards I return to the community center and pack my things. I have created an extra account for my rats. Solana will manage it. She wants to take me to the shuttle tomorrow, but I'll be gone by then. Goodbyes are not for me. I have written her a letter.

_Dear Sol,_

_I'm sorry that I don't say goodbye. I just can't do it. I have lost so many things and to lose the daily contact to you is just too much. Everything here reminds me of my old life. A life that was extinguished. I have to leave. Start over... however that works. I'll figure it out._

_I told you in the beginning I had some credits and I kept saving. I don't need them anymore. In the appendix you will find a rental contract for a small apartment. Some tunnel rats live there. Use the money to help them. I fell into your grid and I hope they can do the same._

_All the best and thanks for everything you have done._

_Eri_

Close enough to the truth. I take my bag and leave the apartment. I wanted to go to the Strip all the time, but never took the risk. When if not now?

Either this area was never destroyed, or they rebuilt it the same way. It is loud and garish. I sit down at a table and watch the hustle and bustle. Last time there were no Krogans here, and certainly no Geth. Now they are all here. For a moment I have to smile. Jacob has passed me by. With his son on his shoulders. Two older girls held his hand. Apparently he and Brynn adopted them. I also saw Zaeed for a moment. But only a quick glance. All these memories, which are not mine and yet belong to me, are confusing. Only after hours I go to the docks and board my shuttle. On Illium you can buy everything. Let's see if Erinnye Poacher won't disappear.

\----------

My name is Nemesis, the most feared assassin in all of Illium. My name is Ištar, one of the richest prostitutes on this planet, and my name is Erinnye Poacher, a very normal inhabitant. All this is me and all this is not me. Nemesis probably comes closest to my true self. I love to fight. Ištar feeds me. Meanwhile there are some whores who look like Shepard. Here an operation and there an operation. But nobody looks like her like I do. How could they? After all I am the deluxe edition of a copy. And Eri is my everyday self. As Eri I can move freely and collect information that I need as Nemesis. Now and then also as Ištar, but only rarely. Do I lead a happy life? No. I now understand what Thane meant by the sleep of death. It is all right. It's enough for me. It's all I need.

I really do need to grin. The bounty on Nemesis is getting higher and higher. They won't find me. Nemesis is a ghost. As soon as I remove my finger from the trigger she is gone. It's strange that I have as much to do here as on Omega. I miss this shithole somehow. Life was simpler there. Sipping my whiskey. It's my day off. No customers, no information to collect, no loot to hunt. A boring day then. I will not leave my house today. For a reason I don't know, the Normandy is here. So I will not leave my house. It should be unlikely that I will meet any of the crew, but I don't want to take that risk. I just stay on my balcony and enjoy the sun. I read a lot. At least there are finally some new releases. Something she certainly hasn't read. Books that I don't know yet. But then I put my latest book away. Sol wrote me. She's doing well and the kids are doing well too. Garrus was apparently not very well. She was really worried and I could not help her. It hurts. I will try anyway. He needs a task. Hopefully he found something that gave his life meaning. And Garrus was a workhorse. I'm rubbing my eyes. I'm the wrong person for this. I advise her to contact his old team.

My receptionist will bring me the new client list. Ištar is getting more and more in demand. Ninety percent I refuse by now. I can afford it. One of the names is new. The offer is breathtaking. But I know nothing about him. He does not seem to exist. So I will have to get some information. Enter: Eri. My way leads me into the azure. Here are three Shepard imitations. They are good, but not perfect. One is too feminine. The other one is too small and the third had the wrong red. And of course the faces did not fit. Not right. But they were okay. I send unprofitable customers to them and they are grateful for that. I sat down at a table and waited. As soon as they sit down, I slip them a piece of paper with the name on it. It is about a Turian. He appeared in full armor, said not a word, looked at them only briefly, shook his head, and then left again. The description of the armor is revealing. I thank them and leave. I know who it is. Should I do it? Can I do it? He seems to need it badly. I have to make it.

Ištar is ready. I'm wearing my hair loose. It's longer than hers. My clothes remind me of the typical alliance clothes, only black, instead of blue. I could have bought an original, but I don't want to. My gaze wanders through the room. I have a huge aquarium that takes up an entire wall. I like to watch the sharks. My big bed is at the head of the room. On the opposite side is a large desk. In between there is a sofa landscape. The room reminds me of her room on the Normandy, but is not an exact copy. When the door opens, I sit down at the desk and turn my back on it. As soon as I hear him take a deep breath, I raise my hand and thus make him keep quiet. When she was working, the others always had to wait too. After a few moments I put the pad away and turn around. Calmly I look at him while he slowly takes off the helmet.

"Is this what you seek, Garrus Vakarian?"

"How did you..."

"Everyone knows the story. There are even films about it. Not good ones, but there are."

"I know. You really look like Sachmet."

"Otherwise I couldn't do this job."

"That's true."

"So what do you want?"

"What would I want with a whore?"

"I know what others want with me. What do you want? You left with the others."

"I... I don't know. I looked for so long and now ..."

I get up and stand in front of him with folded arms. Calmly I look at him. I liked his eye color better at that time. But this is the new world in which we live now. Everyone has the same eye color.

"Listen, Garrus. Now, in this moment, I can be everything for you. You can grab me, pin me against the wall or on the bed. Or you can talk to me as if I were her. You can tell me anything, and I'll listen and try to respond as you imagine me to be."

He grabs me and lifts me up. I quickly wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. With a firm step he carries me to the bed. Against my expectations he does not throw me on the bed, but carefully puts me down. This is Garrus, not just any Turian. Without hesitation he takes off his armor and skilfully undresses me. Calmly I look at him. Search for new scars and find a few. Gently I let my fingertips glide over this spot. Slowly I crawl back to my bed and look at the man in front of me before I turn on my stomach. Turians apparently do not like to look at their partners during sex. I lean high on my hands and knees. Hard claws grab me, stroke up my upper body and lie on my breasts. Gently I am pulled up until my back rests against his warm chest. Hot breath touches my neck. I get goose bumps all over my body. His thumbs surround my nipples. Immediately my breath accelerates. My eyelids flutter. It feels so good. The deep purring chases a shiver through my whole body. My nipples straighten up and are twirled further by him. I reach behind and hold on to his neck. Then the hands disappear. I am turned around and pressed backwards onto the bed. As soon as I want to sit up, he pushes me back again.

"You are perfect."

"Garrus..."

I moisten my dry lips with the tongue. My gaze glides briefly to the dark blue penis before I look into its eyes again. I reach out my hand for it, but he gently repels it and only shakes his head. Tenderly he grabs my legs, puts my legs up and spreads my thighs. The warm breath caresses the inside of my thighs. It hits my wet labia and makes me tremble. I quickly bite my lower lip. I know what happens now. Not because I have already experienced it, because she has experienced it. The rough tongue penetrates my cunt. I roll my eyes and sigh with relish. The limb slides up my entire slit until it reaches my clitoris. Devoutly he ensnares my lust point and lets me groan. An unknown lust floods my entire body. My fingers are cramping in the sheet and I cannot prevent myself from bucking hungrily towards it. He lets me allow, lets me fully enjoy this lust. Garrus drives me into unknown heights. Higher and higher and higher. I fly and I don't even notice anymore that I scream out my lust. My Clit becomes more and more sensitive. My muscles twitch faster and faster and then the world ceases to exist. If I thought I was flying before, I realize now that I was wrong. I am flying, unstable, weightless, helpless. When I regain consciousness, I kneel on his lap with my legs apart. He holds me tight and strokes my sweaty back. With moving hands I reach under me and grasp the wet, hard thick. The hot tip hits my swollen lips and makes me moan again. Slowly it penetrates me. I stretch myself further and further. Take it into me and it has never felt so great. I cling to his neck and press my face into the crook of his neck. Again and again I groan. My body cramps up and relaxes again. Finally our bodies meet completely. We are one again and for the first time in my existence I feel complete. Right now, in his arms. Gently I kiss the leathery skin before I separate from him and look deep into his eyes. Only on my nod he begins to push me carefully. I have never had such sensitive sex before. While he pushes into me from below, I let my pelvis rotate slightly. I know these noises that he only emits. He is aroused. Really aroused.

"Harder."

"No... I..."

"I will not break, Garrus. Please."

He needed that. Now his restraint is over and I rejoice. Mutually, we push ourselves higher and higher. Further towards orgasm. His strong arms hold me as I throw myself ecstatically into the hollow back. His hot sperm shoots into my insides. No one has ever injected into me before. Only he can do that. The hot cock swells up and connects us together for good.

"I love you, Sachmet. I love you more than anything."

"I love you too, Garrus."

Again I bury my face in the crook of his neck and let him hold me. Surrendering myself to this illusion. Only half an hour of happiness. Half an hour of living. Tenderly I stroke his head and we clasp each other like two drowning people. As his dick swells away I get up and put on my bathrobe. Silently he puts on his armor and goes to the door. This is wrong. It must not end like this. I hurry after him, put my hand on his shoulder and wait until he turns around. Gently I take his face in my hands and look him straight in the eyes.

"I love you, Garrus and I will always love you. Find a task, something that is important. Wherever I am now, I will wait for you, even if it takes thousands of years. And the whole time I'll smile because I know we'll be together again someday."

I step back and close the door. My legs don't carry me anymore. I am crying. I cry unrestrained. That was it. That was the little bit of luck I would have in my life and it hurts indescribably.

\----------

The whole thing was thirty kills ago now. Or in other words, half a year. I sit in a bar and stare into my glass. It gets harder. My victims leave this sinking ship. Maybe it's time to move on. As Eri I can go anywhere. Ištar might be a bit too exclusive for Omega, but my customers would probably follow me. It's still strange to have a Geth as your bartender, but you get used to it.

"Is there something wrong with the whiskey, creator?"

"The drink is good. And I'm human, not a Quarian."

"I see. But something's wrong."

"That's right. I'm asking myself a question."

"What is it?"

"Do I have a soul?"

"A question familiar to me."

"I know."

"Every living being has a soul."

"There's the problem. I don't know if I'm alive."

I buy my drink and leave the bar. My feet take me to a crowded park. The wind rustles in the leaves of the trees. It reminds me of Mindoir.

"ERI!"

I turn around and get stormy embraced by Solana.

"Sol, what are you doing here?"

"My brother is here again. and I'm on vacation."

"You know not to sign anything."

"Yes, I know."

"Good."

"I'm sitting back there with a friend and an acquaintance. Come on, I'll buy you some food.

"How could I say no?"

Sol hooks up with me and pulls me to a table. Liara and Javik? What are they doing here? I sit down at the table and am introduced. I nod to them. As always I get an iced coffee and food porridge.

"What are you doing here, Liara?"

"Nemesis. No matter what I try, I get no information about him. He's a ghost and I don't like that."

I'm being hunted by Shadowbroker. I'm honored. But it is also a sign that I should leave.

"How's Garrus?"

"He's doing better. He's out with the Normandy crew more often now. Only he's trying to get a date with that prostitute all the time. Is... It..."

"Ištar. I work for her."

"Does she really look like commander Shepard, Eri?"

"I don't know, Sol. I've never been face to face with her. She has some employees, but no one has ever seen her. No one ever goes upstairs."

"It's strange."

"No, clever. It gives her something mysterious."

"That's true, Javik. My brother could have sworn he'd meet her face to face. He said everything would have been fine. Her looks, her smell, her voice, even her choice of words."

"She must have studied Shepard very closely."

"Well, that's easy, Sol. There are plenty of recordings of her."

"But for her to convince my brother herself..."

"I hate that. Shepard was my friend and these women defile the memory of her."

"Is that really how you see it, Liara?"

"Yes, Eri. You don't know Shepard. She would never have let that happen to her."

Oh, Liara. I know Shepard better than you do. Much better. I know her innermost thoughts. And she's done just that. Sold out to survive. She did things she didn't want to do. Her whole being rebelled against it.

"Then you shouldn't curse the prostitutes, but their customers."

"The child is right. If there were no demand, there would be no supply."

"I'm not a child anymore, Prothean. Childhood was lost in this war."

"Javik didn't mean that, Eri. It also took me a long time to get used to him and his ways."

"You could stop apologizing for me, Liara. She seems to know how to handle it."

When he wants to touch my arm, I step away from him. Sol puts one hand on my other arm to calm me down.

"Don't worry, Eri. Javik just wants..."

"He wants to read me, I know. I have read Liara's publication. No one touches me unless I want them to."

"You're the first who doesn't want to have this experience."

"There are always surprises."

"You don't have to be afraid of that, Eri."

"I'm not afraid of them. I just don't want anyone in my head."

"It's not like that."

"Leave it, Liara. She has the right to refuse."

He has changed. Shepard had more to fight with him. I drink from my coffee and keep listening. They talk about trivial things. In my head I make a list. Sell the house, set worthwhile goals, accommodate my employees well. So I have to hire some information brokers. Too bad, actually. Illium was not a bad place. Maybe I should just earn more money and settle down somewhere. A piece of land in one of the colonies. Far away from everything. Pretty idea, but I'd probably go crazy. Like Mordin in retirement. I can't do experiments. I'm torn from my thoughts when it gets loud in that cafe. Some stomp their feet, others drum on the tables.

"What's wrong?"

I point to the TV. They have found my last victim. The police discovered a shot Asari and thirty freed forced laborers. Even here, slavery is now frowned upon. Not illegal, but with considerably more conditions. My prey did not comply. Injured, dead, extortion, bribery. Simply elusive.

"They celebrate a kill. Probably suffered more from the dead than they thought."

"They're really celebrating a criminal?"

"I guess that's in the eye of the beholder. If no one cares about such things."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say it was my brother, but he doesn't do that anymore."

I fade out the conversation again and finally say goodbye to them. I have to concentrate so hard not to give myself away by knowing which one I shouldn't have. Besides, it is not good for me to have contact to her friends. I have to decide what to do now. Where I can still make a difference. Without a task I am lost.

My base is still on Illium, but I travel much more now. Even on the Citadel I have already hunted and bagged my prey. It was difficult, but not impossible. I was hunted by C-Security, but thanks to the rats I disappeared without a trace. But I can't do that often anymore. It shouldn't be long before a connection between Eri and Nemesis is made. I need more aliases. That in itself is not that difficult. There are enough disappeared and deceased women who no longer need their papers. But this has a pale aftertaste. I don't want to use someone who still has living relatives somewhere. It could stir up hope and then destroy it again. I just don't want that. And finding all this out is not necessarily easy. On Omega, it's all easier. No one there cares who arrives, when. I have built up several networks. That way I get information from several sources. Of course I can't keep up with the shadow broker. But the network is good. It works. They operate in independent cells. I learned from Shepard's memories. No one can draw conclusions about me. But after the last kill, I relax for a while. That's not entirely true. Ištar has to become active again. So I'm going to receive a few customers and wait for new information. As I go through the list, I discover Garrus' name on the waiting list. The heart is pounding in my chest, as it always does. And like every time, I reject him as a customer. A part of me wants to see him, hear him, smell him, feel him. But I cannot stand it. I just can't take it anymore. I can't do it. I have done what I could for him.

\----------

A noise wakes me up from my sleep. I reach for my pistol and hurl or warp at the source of the sound. I quickly jump out of bed. What to do? Fight, or flee? Shepard would fight, Nemesis would fight... I fire once at the window and jump through the window. There are two of them. With the help of my biotic, I'll slide to the ground. I jump into my skycar and fly away. They do not follow me... who the hell was that? Why Ishtar? Nemesis, yes. But why would you attack a whore? A kidnapping perhaps? I'll leave my vehicle and get into another one. A woman who looks like Shepard only in underwear stands out even here. My target is one of my many hiding places. I should now go into hiding for a while.

I am back on the Citadel. I will not stay long. I have something to do on Omega. But first I would like to visit Sol again. She is worried about me and I want to reassure her. She is my only friend. My friend from this life. My life. I ring the doorbell. Sol opens the door and hugs me. She leads me into the living room.

"Eri, are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Sol. I just don't understand it. Why Ištar? She was so nice, so kind. We all got well paid. If someone was sick, she took care of that person and the family."

"I don't know, Eri. I really don't know. Haven't you heard from her?"

"No, she disappeared without a trace. Just gone."

"I'm sure she'll be back."

"I hope so."

"If you want, you can stay here. I'll find something for you."

"That's sweet, Sol. But I won't stay in one place for long. If they're after lštar, maybe they're after their employees. I won't put anyone in danger."

"I can ask my brother, he can..."

"No, Sol. I'm good at disappearing. The less attention, the better. I'm gonna go now. Don't worry."

I hug her again and leave the apartment. But I'm not really leaving. I heard noises. There is someone else there. I quickly hurry around the building and climb up the hidden side. I peer through the window. Liara and Javik! Sol enters the room angrily.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?"

"Sol, we just had to know who she is."

"And then you attack her? She was helping people."

"We didn't mean to attack her. We didn't..."

I have heard enough. And I have to do something. Absolutely. I know something, too. I'll get a message to the Shadowbroker.

I'm at Shepard's old apartment. Anderson gave it to her and she met her friends here. Somehow it survived the attack on the Citadel. A lot of memories are here. Instinctively I turn on one of the TVs and expect to see the group photo there. They seem so happy and that in the middle of the war. I know a lot about this place. Nobody should know the secret escape tunnel. I have darkened everything and am waiting. Up here from the balcony I can see everything. The door opens. She really comes alone. I turn on the light and look down on her.

"Hello Liara, or do you prefer Shadowbroker?"

"Shepard?"

"No. I am Ištar. You attacked me."

"That's one way to look at it."

"From my perspective, it was like this. You and your accomplice broke into my house. in the middle of the night."

"Yes."

"What do you want?"

"I needed to see you, hear you."

"Congratulations, done."

"Listen..."

"No. Whatever you're looking for, it's not me."

"Garrus said you were perfect."

"I'm a whore. I'm good at my job and my job is to be as perfect as possible for my clients."

"But you look just like her. You're not just like her, like all the others. You look just the same."

"There is a theory that every human being has a twin. Someone who looks exactly like him."

"But you must be Shepard."

"If it were me, wouldn't I be going back to my old life?"

"That's right..."

"Well, whatever it is you're looking for, I'm not. I'm going to leave now."

"But... may we just have one test?"

"No. I won't give you a sample, don't let your Protheaner touch me, nothing at all. I'm not Shepard."

I just stare at her until she lowers her gaze. I am exhausted. I ignore the secret passage. I go down the stairs and just pass her. Outside I get into my rented skycar. Was this now the last bridge I had to demolish? I hope so. Because if I have to face one more of her friends, I'll break. Why is this galaxy so small? Isn't there any place I can hide from them?

\----------

It's Omega again. Why am I always drawn back to this place? Because most of my prey comes here sometime. I am lying in wait again. A whole gang.The first head shot is in place. I hit the second one clean in the chest. Third one, gut-shot. Reload. Lock on new target. It's going well. They try to entrench themselves, but the cover is absolutely insufficient. If they try to run, they run right into my crosshairs. Wiped out. I take a deep breath and get up. A hot pain bores itself into my thigh. With the weapon I whirl around and aim. I was lucky. I can kill him before my leg gives way. If this sniper had had a different rifle, I would be dead now. I apply Medigel and hobble to the door. I have to stop the bleeding, but first I have to get out of here. A painful moaning escapes my lips. The leg no longer bears my weight, I have to hold on to the ground. That was it. It is over. I can't get out of here anymore. My vision is already blurring. I still make it to the next alley. Just slide down the wall and close your eyes. It's okay. I get cold and it gets dark around me. All of a sudden, the pain returns. A blurry figure in front of me, I try to lift the gun, but I don't succeed. He talks to me, but I do not understand him. The voice seems familiar. How do you...?

When I open my eyes, I am lying in a bed. My wound was bandaged and given more medigel. I am still wearing my helmet. The door opens. Instinctively I jump open and break in directly. The pain is overwhelming. Two strong arms lift me up and put me back on the bed. The Turianer crouches in front of me. It is Garrus! What am I doing wrong to keep running into him?

"Take it easy. You must recover. The wound was dangerous. It's happened to me before. Fucking ambush."

I won't say anything.

"Listen, Nemesis. I'm on your side. I did it once. Not as long as you did, and not as successfully."

"Archangel, was that a compliment?"

"I'm just being honest."

"I like it."

"You know, I'm thinking about getting back into the game."

"So?"

"I need a team."

"You don't know me."

"I know your work."

"You do? You know all my work?"

"Many. Not all."

"I work alone."

"You're too famous. It's getting too dangerous."

"So it is."

"Then who will take over your work?"

"You will."

"I'm very honored, but I don't know where you get your information."

"Listen up. There are people everywhere who demand justice."

"And the authorities are doing nothing."

"No. Or only slowly."

"As Spectre, I can move faster."

He was a Spectre now? That was good. Very good.

"Why should I trust you?"

"Why shouldn't you? Almost everything is known about me."

"Why would you trust me?"

"I was taught to. Somehow she always recruited the best and trusted them."

"I don't think that would work."

"Why not?"

"I don't like to blend in."

"Who says you have to?"

"That's what teamwork is."

"That's right."

"I'm a hit man and I'll always be a hit man."

"You could do some good."

"I do. I'm a sniper, you're a sniper. A contest not a team."

His Omni tool reports and he leaves the room. I stand up carefully. It still hurts incredibly, but I have to get out of here. The pain is hard to bear, but I come out of the window and disappear into an alley. I am not fast, but maybe I am lucky. Omega has changed. I keep turning and eventually reach one of my hiding places. Painkillers and more medigel. I roll up on the cot and close my eyes. If this continues, I will have to leave this galaxy to escape her old friends.

\----------

The wound has healed well. I don't know what Cerberus did, but I didn't even leave a scar. Nevertheless, I had to take a break for a while. And that was anything but good. The memories of Shepard hit me every night like a hail of bombs. Again and again I wake up screaming. I feel driven, hunted... I am the hunter. I trigger the feelings, I don't have them. Sachmet had that. I have the feeling the lines are blurring. What I did and what she did, I'm not sure anymore. I have to analyze memories, look for clues... otherwise I can't tell the difference. Either there is a malfunction somewhere in my brain or I am simply going insane. It is not something I can do alone. I need help. But those who could help me are either dead or I would put them in danger. Nevertheless, I must solve this problem. I have to solve it urgently, because there is a much bigger one. So I have arranged a meeting. A meeting with two former Shepard teammates. One was very cold, the other, pure logic. Feelings would only get in the way here. That's why I'm sitting here as Erinnye Poacher in this hotel room, waiting. I am a little surprised that they show up. EDI and Javik. Both with their guns drawn.

"Eri?"

"Hello, Prothean."

"You know her, Javik?"

"One of Solana's kids."

"Okay. You said you had data that could help with the case. Data that you can't analyze. What data?"

"Me."

I walk up to Javik and I put my hand on his. The first time, it was a brutal pull on her mind. This time, it was more of a gentle tug. He's become more sensitive. His look is disbelieving as he stares at me.

"Shepard?"

"I was hoping you could answer it for me."

I take off my helmet and give them both time to recover.

"Before you ask, I don't know. What I do know is that I was a Cerberus project. Not Lazarus, but Barbarossa. I did not understand the meaning. Her implants have continuously sent to mine information. Her feelings, her memories, everything. Since I was grown using Okeer's data, I was not meant to be a spare part like the other clone. Why I exist, I do not know. What they intended to do with me, I do not know. What purpose I was meant to serve, I do not know either. I want only one thing to know if I am a danger to you."

"Javik?"

"She feels like Shepard. Everything fits. There's some new information that's come to light that..."

"Which need not be further explained here."

"No, they don't."

"There's no one on the Normandy right now. We should run some tests."

I'm gonna put my helmet back on and follow these two. As a matter of course I go to the infirmary and lie down. The scans run and I just close my eyes. I feel fine. I am incredibly nervous, but I feel like I am back home. EDI takes some samples from me. I have no choice but to wait. It is an intensive scan. It's finally over and I can see inside myself for the first time. It's a damn mess. There are so many implants flashing inside me, I could be a Geth. The musculature has been changed. They seem to be a mix of several species. Human, Drell, Turian... the organs have been altered. At least I don't have any additional... The skin seems to be reinforced. Like Shepard's. My bones seem more massive... A weapon... I'm a freakin' weapon. Even my eyeballs have been altered.

"This is incredible..."

"It's called perversion, EDI."

"Sachmet..."

"Eri... unless you think Shepard's soul has migrated into this body."

"I can't make any scientific determination as to that."

"So you can't tell me what I am either."

"You are not Shepard."

"We can't say that, Javik. There is a physical difference. But that was issued after Project Lazarus. What makes a person? Their memories, their feelings? If so, she is Shepard."

"What about what they do? Then she is not Sachmet Shepard. She did none of the things Shepard did."

"I'm not saying Eri is the same person, but she is Sachmet Shepard. Just not the Sachmet Shepard."

"Great, we're no closer. Am I dangerous? Am I an inactive weapon just waiting for someone to give the right command to activate me at some point?"

"Analyzing... ... no implant is designed to receive, except one, and that one is now off. It is tuned to only one transmitter, and that one is inactive."

"If it was in Shepard, it's destroyed."

"What now?"

"You're a weapon, girl. But not one that anyone can use except you."

"I have a name, Prothean."

"That's right. I just don't know which one to use. You got lots."

"Your style... you can withstand wounds that would be fatal to many species. You are more capable... perhaps you were intended as a replacement after all. If Shepard had failed, you could have been thrown into combat."

"To be safe... the Reapers came too soon. Were too fast. Maybe I wasn't Plan B for Shepard, but for the illusive man."

"What do you mean, Eri?"

"He was... he wanted to control the Reapers, but he also knew the danger."

"Shepard would have wanted to stop him, so you should have, too."

"Erase this data, EDI."

"Why, when the others..."

"That's what it's all about. She doesn't want the others to know."

"But why not?"

"Because I don't know who I am."

"Sachmet, Erinnye Poacher, Ištar or Nemesis."

"Congratulations, Javik. You've uncovered all my identities."

"We can remain silent, Shepard."

"You may hear from me again soon."

<>I'm gonna put my helmet on and get out of here. I can still hear EDI calling my name, but they let me go. I gotta think. One night. That's all the time I give myself. I will return to Illium today.

Nervously I drum my fingers on the table. I can't do it alone and if I don't pose a danger, there is someone who can help me and we will help me. I get up when the door opens and his first instinct is to hug me, but he suppresses the impulse. I curse him for that.

"Ištar."

"Garrus."

"Why now?"

"Because I need your help."

"My help, for what?"

"Women are disappearing. Women that look like me."

"Shepards..."

"Yes... I am the last one on Illium."

"That... where have they gone?"

"I found one on Omega."

"Then..."

"Everything's not all right... the way I found her was terrifying."

"Tell me."

"She was... she was discarded.All her teeth had been extracted. Her legs were cut off at the knees and her arms at the elbows. There were threads on the stumps, probably to hang her up somewhere for decoration. Her vocal cords were severed, her eyes burned out, she was emaciated and pregnant."

Now he takes me in his arms and holds me tight. I cling to him. I know this woman. I have sent my clients to her. As Eri had coffee with her. She wasn't friends, but I liked her. I want to beg him to hold me and not let go. He really holds me tight and strokes my back. I feel safe.

"I won't let anything happen to you."

"That's not why you're here. Not only..."

"Ištar?"

"I want those bastards to get me. I want them to take me there and then I'll kill every last one of them."

"Are you crazy? What the hell is..."

"You will save me. You'll be there to get me out."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know you will."

"It's too dangerous."

"I'm doing this with or without you, Vakarian. I'll do it either way."

"I'm in. What have you got planned?"

"I've implanted myself with a tracking device. If I leave this house, you'll know something's wrong."

"Nothing will happen to you, I swear."

He kisses me. Our tongues dance together and I wish it would never end. He takes the receiver and leaves.

I'm tired. The customers tire me and with this one I have a strange feeling. He is average through and through. Even if I looked at him for hours, I couldn't describe him. There is nothing noticeable about him and that is what makes me feel alert. I let him do his thing and see the injection from the corner of my eye. I could fight it off, but I don't. It burns. I still manage to press the hidden alarm button. Now it starts. I trust you, Garrus.

My head hurts like hell. I am trapped in total darkness. Even for my modified eyes there is nothing to see but blackness. I'm not tied up. I quickly stroke my eyes. No pain, no injury. So I can still see. Gently and carefully I scan my body. Everything is still there. I feel lethargic. Whatever he injected into me makes me dizzy. I probably shouldn't be awake yet. Faster metabolism. They couldn't expect that. Stay calm. There is nothing I can do here. I could just grope around blindly and that would do me no good. So all I can do is wait. Garrus will find me. I close my eyes again and count my breaths.

At some point the door will open. I do not move. A blindfold is put on my eyes. Another injection. I feel numb. They pull me to my feet and I stagger after them. My body does not obey me properly, but my mind is ready. I am put on a chair and palpated.

"Oh, you are perfect. A perfect image of her. Almost too good to be one of my dolls."

They take off my blindfold and I blink a few times. The sight takes my breath away. Children, women who look like me, all mutilated in the same way. I feel sick, but I am not allowed to let them notice that I am sick. But it is hard, so hard. Some of them suck on baby bottles. No teeth, no hands. They can't feed themselves any other way. Oh, Garrus... where are you? Get me out of here. Please, please get me out of here. I can't move. Not the way I'd have to move to do anything. Silently, I look around. Only one guard. There must be more.

"Aren't they beautiful? I implant a silicone strip in their mouth. This way they can suck better and the mouth still looks normal. With you, I will try very hard. Your muscles are distinct, defined. Maybe I'll let you keep your limb. That means more training, of course. I will still take away your hearing and vision. Otherwise you might fight back too much and dolls don't fight back. But I'll let the customers decide that."

I am led into another room. I still have no control over my body. I am placed on a gynecological chair. Immediately the guy tampered with my vagina. Two fingers are pressed into me and I whimper.

"Right. The vocal chords. I will take care of that. But I do that when I am busy with your teeth. Good, good. Even though you're a hooker, you're still tight. So I don't have to put a tube in you or make you tighter in any other way."

I don't know what else he does. The medicine works better than I hoped. Only in the dark room I come to my senses again. It costs me a lot of concentration to regain control over my body parts. How long have I been here? Wrong. How do I get out of here? I must disarm the guard. Then what? Get the asshole's access code. I can't get the others out of here. I can't leave them here either. If they try to cover their tracks, they'll kill their victims. I need help. I can't do it alone. How long have I been here? I find it easier to think... I think. The door opens again. Again I hold still. He must assume that I'm still asleep. His hand brushes over my face.

"You will make me a very rich man..."

"Doctor Toshiwa, the auction is about to begin."

"Let's get rid of the B merchandise."

He goes and makes a mistake. He leaves the door open. I wait a few more breaths before I get up and look around. This place is huge. Many doors are locked. Shots! I hear shots! Garrus! I'm hammering wildly on the door. When it opens, I am grabbed and held. But very gently. Relieved, I exhale and lean against the Turian for a moment.

"We have them. We have them all."

My legs give way. Fortunately, he catches me and lifts me up. Silently he carries me outside and places me on a bench. Dr. Chakwas runs towards me and starts to scan me. I just shake my head and point to the door.

"The others..."

I feel black before my eyes. When I open my eyes again, I find myself on the Normandy. EDI is standing next to me and holding my hand. The noises sound muffled. Whatever I was injected with, it must have been damn hard stuff. I close my eyes again. I am so tired. The next time I open my eyes, Garrus is sitting next to me. I slowly sit up and get a glass of water handed to me.

"Where...?"

"The victims were taken to the Citadel. They are being cared for now."

"Good."

"We caught the perpetrators too. The doctor talked. I just needed to help a little.

"You could have waited for me."

"We didn't have that much time."

"That's right."

"The various police departments have been informed and have already taken action."

"Prison is too good for him."

"I agree. But he'll get what he deserves."

I just nod. It's time for me to get out of here.

"You are a clone."

Shit. Of course, now the others found out too.

"A Cerberus project, yes."

"How long have you known?"

"Since I can remember. I was accidentally activated after her death."

"Accidentally?

So I'm telling him the story. I leave out the memory part, of course. I don't know how he'll react. And I don't know how I would react if I did. After I finish, I just look at him. He sits down next to me and looks at me calmly.

"You are Eri, too, aren't you?"

"Yes. I have been looking for an identity and trying to build a life for myself. A life away from Shepard's friends, and then I end up with your sister."

"And I'm trying to enlist you."

"Yes. I... I don't want to hurt you."

"What makes you think you do?"

"I saw your reaction, Garrus. I not only look like her, I'm a replica. And she's gone. Shepard sacrificed herself to give life to everyone."

"I wish there had been a funeral. ...so I could have a place..."

"There is no body. She has combined her energy with that of the catalyst and the Citadel to break down the barrier between organic and synthetic life. Her body has dissolved in the process."

"How do you know that?"

"I..."

"You have her memories!"

I look down and keep quiet.

"Say something!"

"Say something..."

"You really... you really... you can remember Shepard's life. Everything. You..."

"Who am I?"

"What?"

"Who am I, Garrus? I'm not Sachmet and I am. I'm Erinnye Poacher, I'm Ištar, I'm Nemesis and I'm Sachmet Shepard. And yet I am neither of them. So who am I?"

"Who says you must be different? Except for Ishtar, each one is the embodiment of a Sachmet trait."

"And are they my feelings, or hers?"

"Does it matter, as long as they are real?"

I've never thought of it that way. Is it that simple? His mouth plates on my lips chase every other thought out of my head. His rough tongue penetrates my oral cavity and I let it. My hands go into his neck and I just let myself fall. Garrus will catch me, just like always.

\----------

I curl up in the big bed and blink a few times. The sun shines through the window and I hear the wind rustling in the trees. I take a long shower and then go to the kitchen. The smell of freshly brewed coffee tempts me. Garrus sits at the table and looks at me lovingly. I sit down with him and sip the cup he hands me. We are still on Illium, but we have moved in together. To the country. The house is too big for the two of us, but he wants to give me the opportunity to get out of his way. But I hardly take advantage of that opportunity. We only sleep in separate beds. I just sleep too restlessly. Then he starts up every time and tries to wake me up. He often succeeded, but I was never really awake. Still trapped in a dream. It took hours until I was clear again. To let me wake up by myself is easier. Today, he sets off again for an investigation. And I have training today. Although I have Shepard's training, the genetic modifications allow me to do much more. Garrus doesn't know about this. I have a trainer for close combat and one for Biotic. Garrus himself helps me with my shooting exercises. He just does not know that. Every now and then I'm also on the road as Nemesis. Only Ištar has disappeared. At least for the time being. I don't know if we are a couple. I'm still trying to find out who I really am.

A week later I'm sitting alone on the sofa in the evening when a glass of wine appears in my field of vision. Smiling, I look at the sniper and accept the glass. As soon as he sits next to me, I lean against him.

"How was it?"

"Boring. Again a trail into nothingness. A few small arms smugglers. How about you?"

"A doctor who was conducting experiments. Illegals."

"I envy you."

"You choose your assignments better."

"What are you looking at?"

"At first I thought it was an interesting feature film. An assassin and an officer chasing each other, and in the end they have to work together."

"But?"

"It is called Archangel and the Commander."

"It's bad, it's really bad."

"Is there any good one about us?"

"No. The porn is the most bearable. You don't expect a story."

"That's true."

"I just wonder why they always do it doggy style."

"Because most Turians like it. Either that or they pushed me against the wall with my face."

Garrus emits a dark growl. He doesn't like it when I talk about my life as an lštar. So I usually avoid it. Unless I don't think about it or he asks me. I let him switch through the programs. As always he gets stuck with the news. Checking I look at him as soon as he rubs his neck again.

"Does it hurt?"

"No, I don't..."

"Liar..."

Tenderly I stroke over the scar. He and Shepard were married. My teeth would fit perfectly into this wound. Garrus purrs softly as always when I touch this spot. I spend a few minutes stroking this spot before I snuggle up to him again. I let him choose the program. Anyway, I mostly hang in her, in our, memories. He usually lets me. He holds me, strokes my arm and is just there. I like that. It feels good. I feel good.

"Eri?"

"Yes, Garrus?"

"Liara made it work. If you wanted, you could be Erinnye Shepard. Sachmets disappeared twin sister. You would be her sole heir and you would own everything she owned."

"Just like that?"

"Hackett goes along. We explained it to him."

"Great... I'll be a legitimate clone..."

"You don't sound thrilled."

"It's just... I would really be a Shepard. Not the Shepard, but a Shepard. I've been trying not to be that for as long as I can remember."

"You wouldn't have to work anymore and you could keep supporting your projects."

"Okay."

"Really?"

"I know how much it bothers you."

"Thank you."

I'm gonna kiss his Mandibles and then go to bed. It's become a ritual. When he thought I was asleep, he'd come over and lie down next to me for a while. He does not touch me, just watches me sleep. This time I get close to him and wrap my arm around his waist. So we just lie there until I fall asleep.

The next morning he is still lying next to me. Surprised I blink at him. Apparently I have not moved all night. No nightmares? Have I overcome it? Will she and I really become one? It just feels that way. With a broad smile I kiss my husband stormy. Despite the surprise, he immediately returns the kiss hungry. I wrap my leg around his waist and he immediately pulls me closer.

" Morning."

"Morning, Garrus."

"You slept pretty good."

"Seems like it."

"I like it when you sleep well."

"Same here. Just..."

" Just?"

"I miss the smell of fresh coffee."

He kisses me once more and then stands up very carefully. Smiling, I look at him. For a moment I snuggle up on the spot where he was just lying before I start to get up. But the Turian has other plans. He comes back with two cups of coffee and prevents me from getting up. So I move to make room for him. As soon as he sits next to me, I lean on him again. I pull the blanket over my naked breasts. Only now do I notice that there's a storm outside and it's damn fresh in the room.

"Could you stop staring at my nipples?"

"I could, but I don't want to."

I put my cup down on the nightstand and I kneel down on his lap with my legs apart. I press my upper body firmly against his and pull the blanket over my shoulders. That way it is nice and warm. His hands go over my back and I nestle in the bend of his neck. My warm breath on the scar makes him shiver. Something moist, hard pushes against my labia. Calmly I look at him while he turns away his gaze in shame. Gently I make him look at me again. I press my forehead against his and bring myself into a better position.

"It's okay, Garrus."

"But, I..."

"I love you and it's okay. I want to feel you."

"But not like this... it's..."

"Sex. Sex with my husband."

After these words his penis pops out completely and enters me immediately. I'm happy about the self-lubrication of the Turians. I need a few breaths to get used to the feeling. Only then I move, slowly. I have never had such slow and calm sex before. But it is indescribable. So incredibly intense. So fulfilling. I love it, I love him. Garrus leaves me completely in control, only his hands caress me again and again. At the height of my lust I sink my teeth into his throat.

I stand on the command deck of the Normandy. This is where I belong. At last I know who I am. I'm a commander of the Alliance now. I'm captain of the Normandy. I'm an N7. I'm Garrus Vakarian's wife. I'm Commander Erinnye Shepard.


End file.
